Book Review – Radical Dating by Diane Montgomery, Gabrielle Pickle, and Sarah Bubar

Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.

Radical Dating: When God Takes Over Your Love Life – the very name implies the presentation of a paradigm shift of sorts in the area of dating. This shift in thought is centered not on elaborating on ways to find your one true live in ten easy steps that seem to have been clipped from the latest issue of Cosmopolitan magazine. Conversely, the authors seek to focus women on the truth of Scripture in the areas of love, singleness, and the absolute necessity to allow God to write your love story.

Authors Diane Montgomery, Gabrielle Pickle, and Sarah Bubar have taken a series of blog posts on the topic of dating, specifically geared towards women and have transformed those posts into one of the best books on the subject I have read since Joshua Harris’ I Kissed Dating Goodbye or Eric and Leslie Ludy’s books, When Dreams Come True and When God Writes Your Love Story. Unlike most dating books that try to help the reader maneuver their way through the minefield of dating with the hope of coming through unscathed, Radical Dating takes a more holistic approach to the subject. The approach of this book consistently takes the reader to very foundational truths of Scripture in the area of relationships beginning with the importance of understanding what true love actually is.

The modern view of dating has largely been shaped by a culture that gravitates toward what appears to be love but what is in fact more of a relationship where both parties are focused solely on themselves, what they can get out of the relationship with absolutely no focus on God or righteous behavior. At the outset of the book, the authors rightly note the reason why true love is something rather foreign to the world today, the reason being that we have “kicked God out of society.” The very One who is love and who defines what love should look like in His Word, has been relegated to the sidelines of relationships. Understanding what love is must be rooted in understanding and having a relationship with the One who is love and from whom true love can actually be found. God demonstrated what true love is by sending His Son to die on our behalf. The authors of Radical Dating also correctly note that male/female relationships, especially when it comes to marriage should have the same type of love Christ has for his bride. Beginning a book with a holistic approach to what love is could not be a better way to start a discussion on sound biblical methods for finding a mate and to that end the authors have hit a home run.

After establishing the proper framework for what love is as defined by Scripture and how that plays out in life, Radical Dating shifts to a discussion on relationships, specifically addressing Genesis 24 and the story of Isaac and Rebekah. Many people likely skim over this story perhaps merely noting how nice it was for God to help out Abraham’s servant in finding a wife for Isaac. Maybe some take note of how perfectly everything happened without realizing the amazing truths subsumed in this chapter about how a potential couple should keep their focus on God allowing Him to do what He does best, that of allowing God control of our dating lives. Perhaps the most salient statement in this section is this: “Your relationship should be like a triangle: Christ at the top, you and he are on the bottom, building each other up towards becoming closer to Christ.” What a wonderful approach to relationships, especially a dating relationship. When two people are focused on glorifying God and delighting in Him in everything they do, the relationship will be properly grounded and less likely to result in broken hearts, failed promises, and sexual tension. Why? The authors of Radical Dating properly stress the fact that “In light of eternity, it doesn’t matter one bit if I enter heaven married or single. When I stand before the Lord, the only thing that will matter is what I’ve done with Christ!” A relationship or for that matter a life built on that fundamental truth will not be swayed by the current of culture and its flawed dating model built on sexual gratification, self-serving actions, or popularity contests. Conversely, a life focused on God will seek to bring glory to God whether that is in a time of singleness, in a dating relationship, or if God desires for the individual to be married.

The next section of Radical Dating explores a bit further an important subject for most women, that of understanding how to evaluate men, especially the need to avoid the “bad boys” and “jerks” and the belief such individuals can have their ungodly ways altered because after all, they sure are good looking and maybe if I influence them they will change. Nothing could be further from the truth and Sarah Bubar rightly reminds women to stop trying to orchestrate relationships. She asks the very valid question “If you manipulate your relationship into existence, who is really in control of your life? And what is your manipulation saying about your view of who God is?” Far too many women (and men for that matter) feel they have to find that mate before their proverbial clock runs out. It is as if God is not sovereign anymore or at the very least, many feel they need to give God a bit of assistance in finding them a mate. Bubar reminds the reader of Psalm 139 where the Psalmist notes that God has an absolutely perfect plan for our lives, one which He established before we were even born.

This is not to say it is easy to deal with the rather intense pressures placed on men and women to pair up and find a mate. Quite often if you are single, even your own family begins to wonder what is wrong. Why can’t you get a date? Aren’t you out there looking? What about signing up for one of those dating websites? Add to this the romantic love stories in books, television, and movies and it is no wonder people end up in hurtful relationships merely because our culture defines single as a bad word. Often the need for purity slips by the wayside out of desperation to find love. Diane Montgomery reminds the reader “God says to flee from sexual actions outside of marriage because it is not good for you. He desires that you be holy because it is what’s best for you, and holiness never brings heartache or pain to you and others.” Oh that more single people (and married people for that matter) grasped that important concept. Quite often Christians forget their witness in their desire to push the physical boundaries to their very limits. We are called to live above reproach because we are to be a light to the world. Purity is not just a slogan; it should be a way of life especially in the world of dating. Montgomery brilliantly states “What is comes down to is, which do you love more: yourself or Christ and His Gospel; which saves souls for eternity including yours?”

Yet another valuable aspect of Radical Dating is the inclusion of a number of books for further reading on biblical womanhood, mentoring, purity, modesty, and dating. These books, along with the absolutely sound biblical teaching contained throughout Radical Dating will serve as helpful tools for women to truly understand what love is, what a godly man is, the need for purity, and most importantly, the need to allow God to write your love story. Radical Dating is a book I will have my own daughter read when the time comes and when the subject of dating rears its head. The truths contained in this book are timeless because they are rooted in the timeless truths of God’s word, the handbook for how we are to love God and love others.

I received this for free from Christian Focus Publications via Cross Focused Reviews for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”